It is our lot in life to poop. We eat stuff, digest it, and then the waste must be expelled. That’s just the way it is, which means we are destined to spend a not-insignificant portion of our time sitting on the porcelain throne. So why not make that as pleasant an experience as possible? And if your toilet seat can make the experience better, cleaner, and more comfortable, then does it not deserve its own throne?

Behold the Brondell Swash Thinline T44, the best bidet seat I’ve ever sat on. And for $700, it had better be.

The Thinline T44 is a bidet toilet seat. These sorts of things have been around since 1980, when the Toto Washlet debuted in Japan, and they’re a lot more convenient than the old standalone bidets they’ve more or less replaced. At its most basic, the bidet toilet seat fits on your toilet bowl, connects to the water supply line, and washes your butt. They can be as cheap and simple as something that blasts you with cold water when you open a valve. The Thinline T44, from San Francisco-based company Brondell, is on the other end of the spectrum.

I am not a bidet rookie here. I reviewed one (actually from Brondell) 13 years ago, and I’ve been a convert ever sin …

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